Wednesday, May 6, 2015

BFFs, BFAs & DBs, oh my!

My BFAs in Virginia: Carrie, Karrye and Susan.
Happy early Mother's Day to all moms (biological, step, adoptive, surrogate, etc.)! There are several women in my life who have shaped who I have become and who I will be. Working in government, I moved a lot in my 20s and 30s so I have BFFs all over the world. I have BFF's here in the DMV area: Molly and Judy; my BFFs in Minnesota: Anne, Kristen and Sue; my BFFs from Oregon: Devon and Sonni; and my BFFs from my days overseas: Lani, Suzy, Christine, Ozgul, Ayla, Elizabeth, Mickey, Lottie, Jamie.

Some of those BFFs are biological mothers, some are adoptive mothers and some are pet mothers. Regardless, they are all mothers of sorts. And they all shape my life, and especially my fashion. I don't have BFFs who are afraid to tell me I shouldn't wear chartreuse. I don't trust BFFs who won't tell me the truth that my butt does look big in jeggings (jean leggings if you didn't know that term). The point is, my BFFs are like my mom, sister, aunt, stylist, therapist, daughter, mentor, mentee, all rolled into one. That is what I think a BFF is regardless of where they are in proximity to me.

And while I have lots of BFFs worldwide (the above are just the ones I have here in the states), I still need some good old "basic friendly acquaintances" (BFAs as I like to call them). We all do! Part of being elegant is being sociable to all sorts of people, not just in your group of BFFs. So, when I move to a new area, I like to scope out my options for acquiring BFAs. Because, what's the point of being elegant all by yourself (especially if you are like me and are a work-a-holic and the majority of your BFFs are hundreds of miles away)?

BFAs are people who are good to communicate with, might offer you assistance with work or personal issues along the way (maybe even some style advice now and then), are a nice bunch of people to be around (i.e. like minded for the most part), and can probably introduce you to other  individuals with whom to accept into your BFA circle. It's important to have BFFs but its also important to have BFAs.BFAs keep you social and elegant women are social women. Please note that BFAs are not DBs (drinking buddies). DBs are a totally different group that elegant women put behind glass with a little sign that reads "Break only in case of emergency, like bad boyfriend breakup or job loss."

One of the groups I belong to in order to keep my seasoned and elegant social edge is the National Association of Professional Women ( -- there are more than 200 chapters nationwide so perhaps there is one in your area). It's not necessary to pay to join a networking group like NAPW (although I have found a lot of benefits to membership based networking groups like PRO Networking, Women in Business Network, Sterling Women, and Business Networking International). You could also find a good pool of BFAs at or even on meet-up pages on Facebook and Twitter. It's not difficult to corral a group of BFAs if you know where to look.

But remember, treat your BFAs well (don't use and/or abuse them) because, 1) you are too elegant to use or abuse anyone, 2) BFAs could potentially turn into BFFs and then wouldn't you feel silly for mistreating them, and 3) you are too damned old to worry with all that tacky drama (hint: drama is NOT elegant).

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